Wedding Date & PEOPLE

I don't know the best way to start this entry. Bare with me my lack of creativety.

I have been thinking lots lately. I needed someone to talk to, but i finally realized that everyone has enough of their own matters to deal with so i thought what better way than just to spell my guts here. To many of you i'm not just a blogger who has a name that is vague. Instead im blogger that you have a real name attached to it. With this in mind, im going to still be frank. I'm not 100% sure if anyone will be reading this. In all cases. Here is my rant- my real feelings- everything put into words.

I'm happily engaged. My fiance has been nothing but a wonderful person. I'm not here to brag, what matters to me is that i'm comfortable and happy to have him by my side. I have been engaged for two years and this is the start of our third year el7damdala. Now long engagements dont seem to be taken very well by the Libyan community. I personally dont see it the same way. But being part of this community im being annoyed all the time by their endless questions of when is the wedding.

A rumor has it that my wedding is going to take place in December, another has it it will be in Janurary, and just few days ago someone told me "we heard your wedding is on Janurary" and another told me " ahu em3ash mazal leen enjo en3awlo fe 3ersek shino shahreen wala tala tanyat".its tehse twisted ways that i hate....well let me tell you something- they know that im applying to unis and that im doing my scholarship papers, i have said it before to everyone that i want to have everything ready by Jan- so they make a note of that and start putting dates for my wedding...acting as if they heard something so i would tell them if there is anything- well reality is there is NOTHING decided yet.....i dont know how to make anyone understand that my wedding date has not been decided i dont know when it will take place...i dont know if it is going to be soon or not....we havent set a date. Yes i have a scholarship. Yes i'm in the process of doing my papers.. Yes i'm hoping that my papers will be ready by Janurary. Yes my wedding will be decided according to my university studies. But so far i dont have everything completed. When will everyone understand that having a date for my wedding isnt a shameful thing for me to hide it...the mintue it is decided i will broadcast it. What part of it is a happy occasion dont people understand. Plus what good would it do if they found out when it is? I dont get annoyed when people ask me when is my wedding, but i do get annoyed when they asked it in their stupied- twisted way. They act as if they know something. I'm not like them. Imagine even my mom's travels are taken as a her mom is doing her "ebtat" shopping for her. For God's sake i havent bought a thing for my wedding. I havent even thought about anything. I just want everyone to leave me alone. They are stressing me out. I have enough to think about already. I don't need this right now.

They either nag about how long will i be engaged for before i get married...or make sure they annoy me by when is my wedding...and the same ppl are doing the same thing to my fiance, asking him continiously as if they are on a mission to get us. My new answer now is " you never know it could be anytime from this week to any day that follows". What can i do? They think im lie- ing to them. So i might as well add to their dizzness. Imagine they come to my sister and say your sister wrote on facebook that her wedding is on so and so.....imagine?!! hellooooooooooo if im planning on not sharing the date would i write on facebook when it is????im not stupied...ahhhh

The mintue my wedding date is set, be sure it will be my status on facebook and i will have an entry here as well. For now pray that everything works for me. Pray that people would let me live my life and stop acting in such stupied ways. I have had enough!

Jacket Potato..Ramadan..Sleeping..Documents...bla bla

Ramadan Kareem everyone.

I have been wanting to update my blog for such a long time, but havent taken any serious steps. Today, however, i decided to do what i havent done for quiet sometime.

I have been working as a trainee at this company. It has been going well. On July i went to the UK for a training course at Trowers & Halmin. It was a good experience. Everytime i go to the UK i seem to enjoy it, even though, the times i end up there its usually for training/intersnip and not for lesiure. The training course went very well, and i learnt lots about NDAs, MOUs,Oil &Gas, Aircraft laws,Funds, Islamic Finance,real estate..it was intensive but worth it. I always have my fun ways to turn my work/training trips into a fun filled adventure. I enjoyed the training course, and got to go on a walking tour around london, got on the London Eye this time;) and went to too many lebanese restaurants. I love lebanese food. My only regert however, is that this time around i havent gotten a chance to go to the spaghetti house! i loved selver ridge icecream- yummmyyyyyyyyyyy. I remember last time i went to the UK during 2007, my food experience was horribly horrible for the most part...until i learned where to go. This time i made sure my food experience was as it should be. I had the courage to try for the first time British Jacket Potato with butter, and cheese toppings. It was yummy beyond belief. I'm carving it lately bas no such a thing exists in my beloved land.

My Ramadan schedule have been like this: work then go back home & sleep. That basically sums it up. I went once to my grandma from my mom's side to break my fast. But that was it. The sleeping habibt of mine is turing into an issue. I mean i just fall asleep. I sleep until magrib or few mintues before it or abit after. I don't know i wasnt like that on previous Ramadans. I mean yes i slept alittle more than my usual hours but not to the point of sleeping until the actual adan. But then its my first Ramadan working. Since i returned to Libya, my Ramadans were always off. My law school never started until Ramadan was over and so i was always home during the month. Not sure if my sleep has to do with this change.

In terms of my scholarship, i have finally decided to apply to the university of glasgow. I gathered all my documents- FINALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY and i started an online application, but just need to upload the documents and submit it. Please everyone make duaa that things work out. It is about time. Gathering my documents was sooooo toughhhhhhhh so im pleased that finally i have them. I scanned them all and they lay happily on my desktop:)

Happymoi's latest.

El7amdala. Everything is going well for me so far. Wednesday was absoultly wonderful.

My♥ ♥ grandma ♥ ♥ has been out of the hospital for 3 days now. I have been there on Tuesday, and Wednesday.. I'm glad my grandmother is doing well. I didnt go today. I would love to see my grandma everyday but i just can't handle the amount of people coming in and out, in and out. I don't enjoy being around such environment for so long. I get sick of the routine of non stop visitors. I'm a very sociable person, but i like balance in everything. 'Don't over do something' -> that is me.

I'm still working on my papers, there is alot of progress el7amdala. So i do hope that my paper work gets done soon. For now i'll keep working on them (more like running after everyone). Pray that my papers get done soon, or at least most of them.

I applied for traning at LIA in the legal department, i went and saw everyone, and now im waiting for them to let me know when they'd like me to come. I'm still waiting though. At the same time, i have handed in my file for the TA. I just have to do the blood test (normal routine when getting a job) and the testomoney (that i dont work anywhere else kind of paper) . So in addition to my scholarship related papers and i have these two papers to deal with. But they arent hard to get. .

If all worked well, it will be 5-6 months before i leave to the US for my masters. I just want to get some work experience before i travel, and im ok with working even if not paid.My focus now is on building my skills- not on getting paid. Your duaa is much needed.

Just school related bllllllaaaaaaaaahs;)

Yesterday, i was shown on TV. I was giving the speech, but it was muted, and the channel had a person speaking about the event while showing my pictures. I didnt see it though, memebers of my extended family did. I was told it would be at 11pm, and when i didnt find it exactly on the time mentioned i just left the room to run few errands. So after i left, my uncles,cousins and dad told me that i was on TV. My lack of patience ahhhh!! lol...well i just didnt feel like waiting, and i was like oh well i was there.

Life has been going alright lately. I'm very happy that i have dropped out of the masters program here. It was hectic for me. I wasnt comfortable with some of the professors, and it was so hard getting resources as our university lacks good libararies. My parents were telling me that i would put my self in a tough position as i wont find material to do my research etc...but being hard minded if i may say, i had to enrol. I found out that they were right. I made the descion of dropping out after the scholarship became official. So i hope things do work out. The plan is to go in Jan2010 if i got accepted. So inshallah khair. I don't know what is in store for me. I sure pray that i will get to study abroad. I really want to get my masters done. I do love school. I love learning in general. I know it is not always easy, and sometimes i do wish i was free to do other things, but at the end, school means alot to me. So yes i want to do my masters. Yes i want if life allows me to do my Phd too. Pray for me everyone. I guess i have lots set up for myself and the happiest moment for me would be when i achieve those goals. Stay tunned;)

I'll be on TV tonight =)

Today was my graduation ceremoney. A year ago was my actual graduation date. I'm a grad of 2008. Our law school didnt have a graduation ceremoney for so long. Our graduation marks the 20th year that our law school has been in session. So yay for us!!! =D =D

If you want to know who happymoi is, check the lebeya channel الليبية at 11pm. =) =) If my speech was shown, let me know what you think...it was done in a hurry because i was notified the evening before. Enjoy!

For the record, my dad, my uncle S, my bro, my cousin T, my fiance, and my sister were present at the ceremoney. Mom couldnt make it because she is with my grandmother at the hospital. She did phone though.

Good step, law school! I wished it was done the same year, but i think it is a step in the right direction.

Last mintue notification- IM GIVING A SPEECH ON THE CEREMONEY!!!!

A year after my actual graduation, my university is holding a graduation ceremoney. Few days ago i was notified of its date, and few mintues ago i was notified that i would be giving a speech!!! Well because i will be representing my fellow law schoolers. So last mintue!!! My friend suggested a word for me, and i'm looking at it. If it was in English i would have easily written it. It comes to me so naturally. But in Arabic, it requires so much thinking. The Arabic language is so beautiful. There are lots of choices, lots of unique words, lots of expressions, and sooooooooo much grammar:S:S:S:S

What am i to doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?!!!!! Whats the best way to start a speech...is it advised that i take the not sooo traditional root? OMG what am i going to do. I dont want to look so foolish.....arghhhhhhhh! Stay toned to see me on TV :S:S

I'm not readyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

One mind, Two mindes- your thoughts?!

I have always done things the way i wanted them. My parents are very open minded. I know where the red lines lay, and so i have had the freedom to make choices, and decisions about everything. My parents would put up the advice, and its in my hand to make the final choice. They have done the right thing, and although many times i have wished that someone else would make the decision for me, but i have grown up with knoweldge of how tough it is to make a decision, and how to make a decision regardless of how tough it may be.

The final decision was always mine, and mine alone. Now i'm not alone anymore. Anything that comes up has to discussed and decided with two minds. Mine, and that of my fiance. It is so harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd. It takes so much effort to get to the point of making a decision. So was it right that i have had this freedom to make decisions from the time i was old enough? or was it a good step, meaning you start by knowing how hard it is to make a decision, then after getting used to that you learn how two can come up with a decision with both interests in mind? I have to be convinced to agree, i cant just agree. My brain wont process. So if you dont convince me, dont even bother thinking i would take your stand. That is making it so hard for me. Because sometimes i just never get convinced, and the decsion process becomes tougher than it already is.

Any thoughts?

How much are you willing to let go for the sake of those you love? where should you draw the line? How can you not loose your asprirations, your dreams,your goals and at the same time not loose your love? Do you ever have to make the choice between your love, and your goals? What if both are of the same importance?

Waiting for your comments.

My beloved grandma undergoing a surgery right now:S:S

I'm writing this and my grandma is in the hopsital. She is undergoing a surgery at this moment. Many of you would think how senseless of me to set and right at this point in time. Well the answer is, i feel so scared. It was all a sudden thing. I was at my university doing my papers all of this morning. Then, i got back home to find my mom in tears. Dad wasnt back from his trip at the time of my arrival. My legs were shivering at the sight of my mom. The Libyan way is the whole truth of the situation is never told. So everytime something happens, i dont trust what i hear. I always feel that things are bigger than they sound. My mom was told that my grandmother will undergo surgery tomorrow. My sister and i told mom that we have a feeling it is today and that her bro didnt tell her just so she wont get worried. Right we were. It is today. It is right now as im typying this letter. Dad arrived, and we were all in tears when we first saw him, so we havent dealt right with the situation, i had to hold a grip and say that everything is alright, and that my grandma is fine. It is just that her leg hurted her abit and so shes undergoing surgery for it. We should have been stronger. It is not right the way we welcomed dad, but im sure he understands. Now dad and my bro went to the hopsital. They didnt take me with them. I want to go too. I don't feel ok at the moment. As i said i feel soooooooo scared. No one would understand. I just want to go see her. My fiance is there too. I just messgaged him and asked him to contact me right away when my grandma is out of the surgery room. If anyone reads this please please please pray for her. Pray that everything goes smoothly and that she will be fine.

Summer time, swimming time (muscle cramps:S:S)

The weather is getting warmer and warmer each day. This could only mean one thing; the time has come to jump in the pool. We have a swimming pool at our farm, and for the past two weeks we have been going for a swim on Fridays. I love to swim. I especially love to swim when the sun is still shinning. My cousins tend to avoid swimming during duhr time just out of fear they would get dark. They say 'we have weddings coming up, we should swim around 5pm or so' . The things is, i dont really care. Even if i was the bride i wouldnt care. For me, the most important thing is that i have a good time. So this past friday, it was only me and my little cousins in the pool. The rest were under a shade watching from distance. So i had a good time. I have one issue, i get muscle cramps while swimming all the time. It happend to me in Canada, and it is happening to me here! In Canada, i wasnt so scared of it because there was always a life gurad and whenever it occurs i have been rescued out and given oxygen and all that is necessary. Here though, we dont have a life gurad, it is not a public pool so yeah. This Friday i didnt get any muscle cramps because what i did was swim for one round, rest for few mintues, then do another round. Then rest. Then walk around the water, then swim for another round.I'm not a perfect swimer, but i'm ok. I dont know all the ways. Unlike my mom, she is a perfect swimer. She just lots abit of her speed due to her lack of practice. Anyways, after 20 mintues or so of being at the pool i got out of the pool because i thought i better get out before my muscles cramp. They did the Friday before this (after 20 mintues of swim time to be exact). It was me and my two cousins swimming, i was teaching my cousin this easy way of swimming but after reapting the way for few times my muscles cramped. The good news was, that both of my cousins were around me, and we werent in the deep end. So one held my foot and stablized it so it wont move, and the other pulled me from my hand until i got to build in seats at the babies end. I sat crying the pain out. But at least i was safe. So did any of you ever experiences muscle cramps? for me, it happens all the time, and it is painfullllllllllllllll. It is very painful. I would drawn so easily even at the shallow water. My height is 1.70 i could stand rasing my toes a little at the end of the pool and be able to breath easily (that works if i got tired from swimming) but if my muscle cramps occurs i would drawn period. What should i do? anyone knows?

It is been 4 months!!!!

I have been away for four months. I have finally decided to blog again.

There are lots of things i want to say. I have been up to lots. But everything revloves around the same stuff i used to write about.

I have my law school degree. I'm in the process of being appointed at my university as a TA (Tutor Assitant) or mo3eda as is called in the Arabic language.

Since my graduation, i havent worked. The reason was i enrolled in a masters program here, but now i dropped out of the program because i have a scholarship to study abroad and it is finally being processed- el7amdala.

I had two scholarships, but finally decided to go with the Higher Education Commitee in Libya's Scholarship. It is better for me. As i plan to become a professor at my university inshallah. This works for me. I can't just do company work for the rest of my life. Company work is time consuming, and wont work for me in the long run. For me the long run is what matters. I want something i could really do. I know im very ambtious, and nothing seems enough but i dont want to make my life impossible. I want to fullfil my ambtions and at the same time not scarfice the happiness of those i love. I could choose to be workholic, i have lots of offers. But i opt for a balanced life style. It matters in the future when my fiance and i get married inshallah.

Back to what i was saying, the scholarship requires endless paper work. I have started, but im yet to reach the ending point. When i was just relived that im done getting the singatures from my professors for the refernce letters i need for the university i plan to attend, the dean tells me i cant have them in an offcial univeristy paper and that i'd have to ask my professors to switich them to white paper. It is only then that he would stamp them for me! So now i have to run like a headless chicken and try to locate all my professors again. That is a tough job, no one abroad would understand its toughness!!! Then my transcripts and my rank paper. OH boy..i went to get them, and after 3 months of them taking their time to retype them ,stamp them, sign them, i found that they are messed up. My grades were wrong, the typer was just no precise, and mixed up everything. I tried to keep myself calm when in reality i wanted to scream and cry. It is been so long, and the end result is this????? so i went to this nice employee and asked her to get my orginal grades out from the files stacks, and she did that and was shockecd how wrong it was. So now im waiting for my transcripts wa inshallah this time around their wont be any errors. My rank paper had a mistake in the percentage as well. So i'm back to point zero with my papers. It really makes me want to cry!!! If only the admission offices at the universities abroad understand how it is such a hassel to get anything here!!! I mean they keep asking for 2-3 transcripts 2-3 references, i dont blame them. But really we work our heads off just to take those papers. So the wait continues!!

Then came the decision of the country. First it was the UK. It suits me well. Its programs suits me well. But the higher education commitee decided to log the UK off. They made certain things tougher over there and so for now the UK is not on the list of countries in the scholarship list. So then, i decided on the USA. My homeland! So i have to apply there inshallah. I will apply to the UK as well and see what happens. Decisions in Libya are never final so the UK could open up. For now i have located a university that im interested in. I will do the academic English first, then enrol in the LLM program. That way i would have time to adjust to the routine of my former lifestyle and at the same time revise and get ready for the LLM.

If things worked out, and i got accepted. My fiance and i will tie the knot:D:D:D:D. So everyone pray for me that everything works out. Any advise, feel free to shout it out.

I have lots more to talk about, but for now i just wanted to get that out of my system. Hope you are all doing great.

I do miss you all tons.

xoxo

Gaza, i feel sorrow for what the innocent civilians are going through:(:(

It is 2009. It is been 2 weeks into this new year.

I have not really done much. I have watched more news than i can handle. I feel sorry for all the innocent civilians in Gaza. Feeling sorry isnt enough i know,what are the right words to say? None. Period. I cant say i know what they are going through beacuse what they are going through is more than the worest situation i have been put on. So who am i to say words like i understand?!!! I'm not in a position to say such words. I just dont qualify.

I pray for them and they are in my thoughts all the time. When it comes to food ;everytime i eat something i feel so guilty because they are straving while im sitting at the comfort of my home safe, & sound. My heart is torn everytime i think about the suffering of the innocent civilians in Gaza . I feel guilty for carrying a normal routine, but Allah -God- knows too well how i feel deep inside. I do not feel happy at all. I cannot stop watching the news, hoping that maybe maybe there will be some breaking news about thing becoming better over there.

I read a diary for a Gazan named Mohammed Ali, describing the situation over there, and how horrific what they are going through, how everynight when he heads to sleep he says to his wife, good night my lover, see you in heavan....his words echo on my mind, and has been echoing all day today. I wish for the innocent civilians of Gaza to have peace, to have a normal life like everyone else in this planet. I say to Mohammed Ali, that even though we are living worlds apart but our hearts are torn about the situation in Gaza. Yes you, your family, and every Gazan deserve to have a normal-safe-secure life like everyone else. Keep your hope alife and i hope you earn the British council's scholarship - Keep Mohammed Ali's hope alife British Council, give him a chance to have a peace of mind, and the walk around the park he longed for.

Every human has the right to live in saftey and security. I shall blog again about me, but not right now, as this entry is devoted to the innocent civilians in Gaza.