Monday, June 8, 2009

One mind, Two mindes- your thoughts?!

I have always done things the way i wanted them. My parents are very open minded. I know where the red lines lay, and so i have had the freedom to make choices, and decisions about everything. My parents would put up the advice, and its in my hand to make the final choice. They have done the right thing, and although many times i have wished that someone else would make the decision for me, but i have grown up with knoweldge of how tough it is to make a decision, and how to make a decision regardless of how tough it may be.

The final decision was always mine, and mine alone. Now i'm not alone anymore. Anything that comes up has to discussed and decided with two minds. Mine, and that of my fiance. It is so harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd. It takes so much effort to get to the point of making a decision. So was it right that i have had this freedom to make decisions from the time i was old enough? or was it a good step, meaning you start by knowing how hard it is to make a decision, then after getting used to that you learn how two can come up with a decision with both interests in mind? I have to be convinced to agree, i cant just agree. My brain wont process. So if you dont convince me, dont even bother thinking i would take your stand. That is making it so hard for me. Because sometimes i just never get convinced, and the decsion process becomes tougher than it already is.

Any thoughts?

How much are you willing to let go for the sake of those you love? where should you draw the line? How can you not loose your asprirations, your dreams,your goals and at the same time not loose your love? Do you ever have to make the choice between your love, and your goals? What if both are of the same importance?

Waiting for your comments.


Romana said...

I know how hard it can be, bs you'll get used it. It's not a matter of stepping away from your beliefs or your opinions for the ones you love, it's a matter of finding a middle ground :)

And I'm sure that if your fiancee wasnt an understanding person, you guys wouldnt be together right now... it'll take time, but eventually you guys will find a middle ground that will make you both happy :))

a_akak said...

I think a lot of strong (or single) minded people face this question and it is a dilemma but only if you make it to be a dilemma as marriage is the union of two people in mind, body and soul.

I am going off in a tangent now… Back to the issue

I agree with your parents that they have given you the chance to become a strong person as life is full of surprises and things don’t always go as planned and a person should be prepared.

I believe that marriage means to minds and two minds are always better than one so you more or less have extra thinking space but what happens if two mind don’t agree?

Theoretically you should sacrifice for your loved one and visa versa but realistically it is a give and take. How much am I willing to give? Well if I was a better person I would say “I would give up my life” but I don’t think I would or I would only let go of certain things but not everything as if I did I wont be me.

You have to make the choice but the choices are not as extreme as you think as I have seen who have balanced both and are happy.
I sat thinking about this over and over and I couldn’t squeeze an answer as I don’t think it is black and white and there is no clear cut answer.

ibeebarbie said...

Salam Happymoi,
Great topic. I agree with Romana and Ahmed on their responses.

You've been given a gift from your parents to independently learn to make decisions on your own-----it's called responsibility.

Now it's a matter of incorporating that gift when dealing with partners----whether it be a work partnership, love partnership or otherwise.

I understand what you are saying when you need to be convinced about something before conceded to that thought; however, with that being said have you consider reversing the roles on yourself? Meaning, have you ever considered why your way or opinion would be the best way? I only ask because sometimes we become so use to depending on ourselves for finding the answer that we forget that others may have a different angle on the subject matter, and our first response may be to dismiss it because it's not the same viewpoint of our own, BUT if given some serious consideration we might find there's a common ground just coming from two different directions. Or perhaps an angle we thought we had considered but then again had not.

I think like anything else in this life when it comes to making decisions for ourselves along with making decisions where it concerns others, it's best to consider all the option and then decide truly what is the most important. You will not be sacrificing yourself if you consider someone else's opinion and maybe even taking it. You will only be sacrificing yourself and your relationship if you don't take these things into consideration.

Ultimately what you and your fiance learn to get through as you journey down the road in your relationship will hopefully be to learn to successfully communicate with one another which will be the ultimate test of the relationship.

Best wishes sweetie.