Monday, September 28, 2009

Wedding Date & PEOPLE

I don't know the best way to start this entry. Bare with me my lack of creativety.
I have been thinking lots lately. I needed someone to talk to, but i finally realized that everyone has enough of their own matters to deal with so i thought what better way than just to spell my guts here. To many of you i'm not just a blogger who has a name that is vague. Instead im blogger that you have a real name attached to it. With this in mind, im going to still be frank. I'm not 100% sure if anyone will be reading this. In all cases. Here is my rant- my real feelings- everything put into words.
I'm happily engaged. My fiance has been nothing but a wonderful person. I'm not here to brag, what matters to me is that i'm comfortable and happy to have him by my side. I have been engaged for two years and this is the start of our third year el7damdala. Now long engagements dont seem to be taken very well by the Libyan community. I personally dont see it the same way. But being part of this community im being annoyed all the time by their endless questions of when is the wedding.
A rumor has it that my wedding is going to take place in December, another has it it will be in Janurary, and just few days ago someone told me "we heard your wedding is on Janurary" and another told me " ahu em3ash mazal leen enjo en3awlo fe 3ersek shino shahreen wala tala tanyat".its tehse twisted ways that i hate....well let me tell you something- they know that im applying to unis and that im doing my scholarship papers, i have said it before to everyone that i want to have everything ready by Jan- so they make a note of that and start putting dates for my wedding...acting as if they heard something so i would tell them if there is anything- well reality is there is NOTHING decided yet.....i dont know how to make anyone understand that my wedding date has not been decided i dont know when it will take place...i dont know if it is going to be soon or not....we havent set a date. Yes i have a scholarship. Yes i'm in the process of doing my papers.. Yes i'm hoping that my papers will be ready by Janurary. Yes my wedding will be decided according to my university studies. But so far i dont have everything completed. When will everyone understand that having a date for my wedding isnt a shameful thing for me to hide it...the mintue it is decided i will broadcast it. What part of it is a happy occasion dont people understand. Plus what good would it do if they found out when it is? I dont get annoyed when people ask me when is my wedding, but i do get annoyed when they asked it in their stupied- twisted way. They act as if they know something. I'm not like them. Imagine even my mom's travels are taken as a her mom is doing her "ebtat" shopping for her. For God's sake i havent bought a thing for my wedding. I havent even thought about anything. I just want everyone to leave me alone. They are stressing me out. I have enough to think about already. I don't need this right now.
They either nag about how long will i be engaged for before i get married...or make sure they annoy me by when is my wedding...and the same ppl are doing the same thing to my fiance, asking him continiously as if they are on a mission to get us. My new answer now is " you never know it could be anytime from this week to any day that follows". What can i do? They think im lie- ing to them. So i might as well add to their dizzness. Imagine they come to my sister and say your sister wrote on facebook that her wedding is on so and so.....imagine?!! hellooooooooooo if im planning on not sharing the date would i write on facebook when it is????im not stupied...ahhhh
The mintue my wedding date is set, be sure it will be my status on facebook and i will have an entry here as well. For now pray that everything works for me. Pray that people would let me live my life and stop acting in such stupied ways. I have had enough!


a_akak said...

Happy is Happy when Happy is Happy as Happy insha allah is happy and may that happiness never be disturbed and may it never end … Rant rant till you cant rant anymore and know that we still follow your blog and read it :)

Happy as long as the lines of communication between you and Mr Happy is open and there is dialog then don’t take into the talk and its Mr Happy who is the only important factor (besides yourself). For me it’s a bit more difficult as communication with my fiancĂ© is limited due to restriction (that a whole different topic)

Our society is built upon rumors and gossip and they don’t leave anything out and everything is game but what can you do. I am also in a similar situation as I have been engaged for a while and people always have something to say to the extent of telling “you should find someone else and you should not wait for her” etc … Isolate parts of yourself and shield yourself from these gossips and that best way is to extend things as when I am asked I tell them my wedding is after 2 years and I come up with the guy phrase “I want to be free” which shuts them up

How is the scholarship going? Concentrate on that and keep focused and don’t sway away from the final goal which is happiness and success in bother professional and personal life

Fe Aman allah

Happymoi said...

Thank you so much for taking the time and writing to me. I appreciate it. I did miss your barakat bills. I need them now more than ever :)

Um Dania said...

as for the people; they will never leave u alone .. first questions about marriage ..then babies ,,then more babies.. and so on ...
I was engaged for three years before getting marriage and I can imagine ur headache .. I was bombarded with silly questions about faddan, Beyan and so on .. then when wedding bells were heard .. the questions changed .. babies .... a brother to ur daughter .. and so on ... ! it will never end ..never...
all you can do is ignoring them .. wedding plans are ur own and private decision .. no one has the right to interfere ..
congratulations for the scholarship .. now this is a good chance to escape from everything and build a healthy and fruitful relationship with ur husband .. believe me it worked for me !!

ibeebarbie said...

Salam Happymoi,

Humans are frustrating at times aren't they? I recall all the similar feelings you are posting about as well as concur with UmDania on the extent of the questions never stopping. The same happened to me as well. "When are you getting married? Then, "When are you having kids?" However, my good news of questioning stopped after my ex decided to leave Amira and I when she was 6 weeks old. Never again have I been asked when I'm getting married or anything like that, but rather that questioning turned into "Where did he go?" "What happened?" "Do you hear from him?" etc. Not once does their appear to be a concern for Amira and I's well-being, financially, emotionally or otherwise, but rather an annoying need to know his business.

I stopped letting this bother me because I realized it didn't really matter and as soon as I did it ceased to cause me grief. I realized it was more about them and their need to know then it was to have anything to do with me or Amira.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't feel a need to respond to these people or to feel like you have to explain or justify anything to anyone. This is between you and your fiancee only, and as long as the two of you have made these decisions to hell with the rest.

white african said...

i soooooooo recognise this, with me i wasnt even engaged and people were bugging me with 'amta nafir7u beek?' blah blah blah, i got called all things under the sun 'mitkabrah, mit3akdah etc' lol.

and if that wasnt enough suddenly people where marrying me of, i would get people approaching me and being hurt for not inviting them to my wedding!!!! what wedding..

or marrying me of to certain men in the community who i hadnt realised that i was married to lol, craziness.

just dont let it stress you, people will always want to talk or find sumthing to talk about.

Luna said...

I can relate as I have daughters .

What I say you might disapprove of but bear in mind that I only mean well.

Live your life to the full. Hate no one,even those who do hurt you.Life is too short for knity gritty and aggravating ongoing stupidities which have no end and never will.

DO YOUR THING GIRL !best of all keep an open mind.


libyan glamour said...

umm i just started reading this post and i totally agree with u
people especially libyans oh they dont have anything to do except gossip and even the reletives u find them doing the same thing
the best thing to do is to ignore them
theres this phrase that says
"i dont know the key to success but the key to failure is to please everyone"