Monday, April 18, 2011

Missing my family :(:(

Before i got married, one of my biggest worries was how will i cope without my family so close by. I knew ahead of time that i will be moving to the UK because i wanted to do my masters degree. So the issue was on my mind all the time. It was the thing i thought about the most.

Whenever i opened this topic with anyone they'd say you'll get used to it. Reality is, i haven't gotten used to it. I have been married for nine months (Alhamdullah), and got a chance to see my family twice ONLY. Once was when i came back from my honeymoon, and the second time when they visited me here. The first time i got to see all of them. The second time it was only my parents and one of my siblings.

How do i feel?
My heart aches so much, and there are days that i just cannot handle the feeling. I cry sometimes. Other times i hold it inside of me. I call them, but its not the same. I continue to feel that a huge part of me is missing. It is really hard. It is as hard as i thought it would be and even harder.

Before i came about to writing this entry i was trying to study in preparation for my upcoming exams. In the midst of it, i called my mom, then i text my dad. Then i continued to study, and while i was doing that i got a text from my dad. My heart just squeezed because i miss soooooooo much. I miss both of my parents so much. I miss my siblings. I wish they were here with me.

I'm married now, and have started a family of my own, and soon my family of two will have an addition. It is the cycle of life i guess, but with all that fully understood by me, i cannot help but have such feelings. I just wish i could jump on the first flight and go to see them, but that is not possible now and even if i did once i leave the feeling will not disappear.

I have always wondered and now even more so how do people cope with missing their parents? their siblings? I cannot seem to have gotten that. I do not think i ever will :(:(

I love my family so much, and cannot help but miss them every passing second of everyday.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Momy to be inshallah

I have decided that this evening i will set and spend sometime writing on my blog. As i said in my previous post that i have so much to share. Really! I know i should have written earlier but i keep postponing this task that now it is sooo long overdue, and probably not the right time. Still, i just feel the need to write away.

My picture maybe a little ahead from what i want to share but i liked it and thought this will be it.

So what is it that i want to say?

Happymoi is expecting her first child inshallah (yes, ME). It is a very exciting time for me and my husband- Alhamdullah. We both wished that things were better and that our happiness was complete by the well being of Libya and Libyans. Inshallah we are hopeful that things will get better before the arrival of our first child inshallah. It is only then will such a joyous occasion be complete.

My due date is inshallah towards the end of July. It will be in the midst of me writing my dissertation to get my masters degree inshallah. So it will be a very very very busy time. I hope though that things work out in the end.

We really really cant wait, although we know ahead of time that it will be veryyyyyy challenging especially with our schedules at the current time. Bes inshallah khair.

My heart is broken for Libya

I have not written in my blog for so long and here i'm writing again.

I have so much to share. The starting point of my blog is my dear country Libya. Oh Libya, i think of you and my eyes are full of tears. I had a plan to visit during April since i moved to the UK. Sadly enough, the situation now is not suitable for making such a trip.

I watch the news and my heart is full of pain. I feel everything inside of me is broken to pieces. So many people are dying. Libya is famous now, everyone knows of it, everyone. It is the tragic situation that made it so well known. I wish things were different. I wake up every morning thinking about Libya. I wake up every morning wishing things were different.

I'm really really sad about whats going on. I try to keep a normal routine for the sake of my sanity. It is very hard, but i'm trying my best. I have my exams coming up towards the end of May, i'm no where near prepared, but i'm going to try my best to catch up, it won't be easy, but i will try. It is so hard to focus with all that is going on. I hope that Libya will shine soon.

I miss it there so much. I was supposed to be there this April for a visit :(:( It was supposed to be my brother's wedding. All that is now not possible.

Inshallah things will get better soon, ya rab.