Missing my family :(:(

Before i got married, one of my biggest worries was how will i cope without my family so close by. I knew ahead of time that i will be moving to the UK because i wanted to do my masters degree. So the issue was on my mind all the time. It was the thing i thought about the most.

Whenever i opened this topic with anyone they'd say you'll get used to it. Reality is, i haven't gotten used to it. I have been married for nine months (Alhamdullah), and got a chance to see my family twice ONLY. Once was when i came back from my honeymoon, and the second time when they visited me here. The first time i got to see all of them. The second time it was only my parents and one of my siblings.

How do i feel?

My heart aches so much, and there are days that i just cannot handle the feeling. I cry sometimes. Other times i hold it inside of me. I call them, but its not the same. I continue to feel that a huge part of me is missing. It is really hard. It is as hard as i thought it would be and even harder.

Before i came about to writing this entry i was trying to study in preparation for my upcoming exams. In the midst of it, i called my mom, then i text my dad. Then i continued to study, and while i was doing that i got a text from my dad. My heart just squeezed because i miss soooooooo much. I miss both of my parents so much. I miss my siblings. I wish they were here with me.

I'm married now, and have started a family of my own, and soon my family of two will have an addition. It is the cycle of life i guess, but with all that fully understood by me, i cannot help but have such feelings. I just wish i could jump on the first flight and go to see them, but that is not possible now and even if i did once i leave the feeling will not disappear.

I have always wondered and now even more so how do people cope with missing their parents? their siblings? I cannot seem to have gotten that. I do not think i ever will :(:(

I love my family so much, and cannot help but miss them every passing second of everyday.

Momy to be inshallah

I have decided that this evening i will set and spend sometime writing on my blog. As i said in my previous post that i have so much to share. Really! I know i should have written earlier but i keep postponing this task that now it is sooo long overdue, and probably not the right time. Still, i just feel the need to write away.

My picture maybe a little ahead from what i want to share but i liked it and thought this will be it.

So what is it that i want to say?

Happymoi is expecting her first child inshallah (yes, ME). It is a very exciting time for me and my husband- Alhamdullah. We both wished that things were better and that our happiness was complete by the well being of Libya and Libyans. Inshallah we are hopeful that things will get better before the arrival of our first child inshallah. It is only then will such a joyous occasion be complete.

My due date is inshallah towards the end of July. It will be in the midst of me writing my dissertation to get my masters degree inshallah. So it will be a very very very busy time. I hope though that things work out in the end.

We really really cant wait, although we know ahead of time that it will be veryyyyyy challenging especially with our schedules at the current time. Bes inshallah khair.

My heart is broken for Libya

I have not written in my blog for so long and here i'm writing again.

I have so much to share. The starting point of my blog is my dear country Libya. Oh Libya, i think of you and my eyes are full of tears. I had a plan to visit during April since i moved to the UK. Sadly enough, the situation now is not suitable for making such a trip.

I watch the news and my heart is full of pain. I feel everything inside of me is broken to pieces. So many people are dying. Libya is famous now, everyone knows of it, everyone. It is the tragic situation that made it so well known. I wish things were different. I wake up every morning thinking about Libya. I wake up every morning wishing things were different.

I'm really really sad about whats going on. I try to keep a normal routine for the sake of my sanity. It is very hard, but i'm trying my best. I have my exams coming up towards the end of May, i'm no where near prepared, but i'm going to try my best to catch up, it won't be easy, but i will try. It is so hard to focus with all that is going on. I hope that Libya will shine soon.

I miss it there so much. I was supposed to be there this April for a visit :(:( It was supposed to be my brother's wedding. All that is now not possible.

Inshallah things will get better soon, ya rab.

Wedding talk....and latest.

It is been awhile since i last wrote here, i guess time has come for me to blog again. There is so much to share.

Last time i wrote i had nothing in order for my wedding, no reservation, no shopping, no nothing, things changed now. I have two months left to be exact inshallah. Imagine Happymoi is getting married in 2 months, that is really too much to come into grasp with. haha. I don't know why but it doesn't seem to be digging in. My marriage contract might be done anytime now because i have to complete my papers for our travel to the UK inshallah. I can't say that i have started to think deeply about anything, everything is still normal at my end. I'm excited about the new stage, but must say im also apprehensive....but nothing has gotten me ...I'm just enjoying my days and trying to do my current job to the best of my ability before im due to leave it for travel/study.

My shopping is done ( well there is no such a thing as done shopping but i have compeleted all the necessary stuff with very very few things left). My shopping has been done into two stages. Stage one was in March. My mom was in UAE and she did all the major shopping for me, she even got my wedding gown:):):):) :D:D:D, my dad wanted me to go from the first stage, but mom wasnt in favour of this idea as im not a fan of shopping and i tend to slow things and she wanted to be able to do things fast. So in the first stage of shopping i wasnt there. During April, i took sometime off work and headed to UAE to finish off the shopping and i did lots of shopping, and i gave my mom such a hard time by wanting to rest every few steps i take. I don't like shopping, that is me and there is nothing to change it. So it was very very hard for me to get the rest of my shopping done, and although at the start of the day im fresh and i enjoy the few steps i take, but sooner than the word soon itself i get sick of shopping, and just want to set in a cafe, or set in any chair i locate- most of my time was spent scanning for chairs <3.>

I still dont get where Libyans got the get everything from scratch, and do lots of shopping (do malls/shopping centers) disappear once one gets married? i can understand in the old days how it was, bs now you are married today, tmw you can go to the mall if you want to. So i think its silly, and the rules of how to dress up and what not, i also dont get and most likely will stay away from for as long as i can - lol knowing how hard it is, and how hard many will nag over my head :S:S:S starting from dark makeup ( which i totaly disagree with) to highheels and whatever else.....It may be interesting to read, but hard to do. I can't live with do this do that do this do that...will try my best to accomadate but cant over do it....

I think that shopping should be very basic, and then it could be done gradually over a period of time. Bs what can i do, it is done and that is how things are at the moment.

Wedding invitation cards- so far i'm not planning on doing them, i'm going to opt for phone calls instead. My friends are scattered everywhere and i'd need to hire a driver to deliver them, so im saving my self the hassel of that and just going to phone my friends as time gets closer inshallah...and im not doing a picture slide show either, i gave it a thought but felt that it is not necessary......

What else? I can't think of anything at the moment. Any thoughts? sugesstions?

Wedding Date Set :) Uni - Update!

It is the year 2010. I hope this year will be great for everyone. I havent wrriten on my blog for awhile now. I have been using facebook more often than any other website. Then, my usage of facebook has gotten less as well. It is all because of work. I spend all the work day infront of a computer screen, and so i get tired of it. By the time i get home, i just want to rest.

Toward the end of the year 2009, my wedding date has been set. Inshallah it will be on July 8th,2010. This means i have five more months to go until the big day. As excited as im i feel apprehensive & worried. This is only normal- i guess. I havent started on anything. Everyone seems to be rushing about. My friend whose wedding is one week after me has gotten her wedding gown, while i havent even started looking. I havent made any arrangements. My fiance reserved the hall for the Libyan Ma7der, but i havent done anything. My wedding will be held at our residnece- mostlikely. So only reservations for tables/chaires/decorations ect is necessary. I havent started thinking serioulsy about it. My mom made her guest list, i did too. She wants me to minimize my guest list, but i keep saying - mom its my wedding remember...lol.

Lets see what happens, only time will tell. So far i have been so calm as if my wedding isnt yet set.

After my wedding inshallah, ill be moving to the UK - Southampton, to do my masters at Southampton university. I did get accpeted to Glasgow, Manchester, and Northumbria but i made a decison to go to southampton because it is closer to London. It has a fine weather (compared to other areas in the UK). Most people i met want me to go to the London School of Economics. I did accept the offer from southampton. I hope i made the right choice:S:S

Wedding Date & PEOPLE

I don't know the best way to start this entry. Bare with me my lack of creativety.

I have been thinking lots lately. I needed someone to talk to, but i finally realized that everyone has enough of their own matters to deal with so i thought what better way than just to spell my guts here. To many of you i'm not just a blogger who has a name that is vague. Instead im blogger that you have a real name attached to it. With this in mind, im going to still be frank. I'm not 100% sure if anyone will be reading this. In all cases. Here is my rant- my real feelings- everything put into words.

I'm happily engaged. My fiance has been nothing but a wonderful person. I'm not here to brag, what matters to me is that i'm comfortable and happy to have him by my side. I have been engaged for two years and this is the start of our third year el7damdala. Now long engagements dont seem to be taken very well by the Libyan community. I personally dont see it the same way. But being part of this community im being annoyed all the time by their endless questions of when is the wedding.

A rumor has it that my wedding is going to take place in December, another has it it will be in Janurary, and just few days ago someone told me "we heard your wedding is on Janurary" and another told me " ahu em3ash mazal leen enjo en3awlo fe 3ersek shino shahreen wala tala tanyat".its tehse twisted ways that i hate....well let me tell you something- they know that im applying to unis and that im doing my scholarship papers, i have said it before to everyone that i want to have everything ready by Jan- so they make a note of that and start putting dates for my wedding...acting as if they heard something so i would tell them if there is anything- well reality is there is NOTHING decided yet.....i dont know how to make anyone understand that my wedding date has not been decided i dont know when it will take place...i dont know if it is going to be soon or not....we havent set a date. Yes i have a scholarship. Yes i'm in the process of doing my papers.. Yes i'm hoping that my papers will be ready by Janurary. Yes my wedding will be decided according to my university studies. But so far i dont have everything completed. When will everyone understand that having a date for my wedding isnt a shameful thing for me to hide it...the mintue it is decided i will broadcast it. What part of it is a happy occasion dont people understand. Plus what good would it do if they found out when it is? I dont get annoyed when people ask me when is my wedding, but i do get annoyed when they asked it in their stupied- twisted way. They act as if they know something. I'm not like them. Imagine even my mom's travels are taken as a her mom is doing her "ebtat" shopping for her. For God's sake i havent bought a thing for my wedding. I havent even thought about anything. I just want everyone to leave me alone. They are stressing me out. I have enough to think about already. I don't need this right now.

They either nag about how long will i be engaged for before i get married...or make sure they annoy me by when is my wedding...and the same ppl are doing the same thing to my fiance, asking him continiously as if they are on a mission to get us. My new answer now is " you never know it could be anytime from this week to any day that follows". What can i do? They think im lie- ing to them. So i might as well add to their dizzness. Imagine they come to my sister and say your sister wrote on facebook that her wedding is on so and so.....imagine?!! hellooooooooooo if im planning on not sharing the date would i write on facebook when it is????im not stupied...ahhhh

The mintue my wedding date is set, be sure it will be my status on facebook and i will have an entry here as well. For now pray that everything works for me. Pray that people would let me live my life and stop acting in such stupied ways. I have had enough!

Jacket Potato..Ramadan..Sleeping..Documents...bla bla

Ramadan Kareem everyone.

I have been wanting to update my blog for such a long time, but havent taken any serious steps. Today, however, i decided to do what i havent done for quiet sometime.

I have been working as a trainee at this company. It has been going well. On July i went to the UK for a training course at Trowers & Halmin. It was a good experience. Everytime i go to the UK i seem to enjoy it, even though, the times i end up there its usually for training/intersnip and not for lesiure. The training course went very well, and i learnt lots about NDAs, MOUs,Oil &Gas, Aircraft laws,Funds, Islamic Finance,real estate..it was intensive but worth it. I always have my fun ways to turn my work/training trips into a fun filled adventure. I enjoyed the training course, and got to go on a walking tour around london, got on the London Eye this time;) and went to too many lebanese restaurants. I love lebanese food. My only regert however, is that this time around i havent gotten a chance to go to the spaghetti house! i loved selver ridge icecream- yummmyyyyyyyyyyy. I remember last time i went to the UK during 2007, my food experience was horribly horrible for the most part...until i learned where to go. This time i made sure my food experience was as it should be. I had the courage to try for the first time British Jacket Potato with butter, and cheese toppings. It was yummy beyond belief. I'm carving it lately bas no such a thing exists in my beloved land.

My Ramadan schedule have been like this: work then go back home & sleep. That basically sums it up. I went once to my grandma from my mom's side to break my fast. But that was it. The sleeping habibt of mine is turing into an issue. I mean i just fall asleep. I sleep until magrib or few mintues before it or abit after. I don't know i wasnt like that on previous Ramadans. I mean yes i slept alittle more than my usual hours but not to the point of sleeping until the actual adan. But then its my first Ramadan working. Since i returned to Libya, my Ramadans were always off. My law school never started until Ramadan was over and so i was always home during the month. Not sure if my sleep has to do with this change.

In terms of my scholarship, i have finally decided to apply to the university of glasgow. I gathered all my documents- FINALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY and i started an online application, but just need to upload the documents and submit it. Please everyone make duaa that things work out. It is about time. Gathering my documents was sooooo toughhhhhhhh so im pleased that finally i have them. I scanned them all and they lay happily on my desktop:)