One mind, Two mindes- your thoughts?!

I have always done things the way i wanted them. My parents are very open minded. I know where the red lines lay, and so i have had the freedom to make choices, and decisions about everything. My parents would put up the advice, and its in my hand to make the final choice. They have done the right thing, and although many times i have wished that someone else would make the decision for me, but i have grown up with knoweldge of how tough it is to make a decision, and how to make a decision regardless of how tough it may be.

The final decision was always mine, and mine alone. Now i'm not alone anymore. Anything that comes up has to discussed and decided with two minds. Mine, and that of my fiance. It is so harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd. It takes so much effort to get to the point of making a decision. So was it right that i have had this freedom to make decisions from the time i was old enough? or was it a good step, meaning you start by knowing how hard it is to make a decision, then after getting used to that you learn how two can come up with a decision with both interests in mind? I have to be convinced to agree, i cant just agree. My brain wont process. So if you dont convince me, dont even bother thinking i would take your stand. That is making it so hard for me. Because sometimes i just never get convinced, and the decsion process becomes tougher than it already is.

Any thoughts?

How much are you willing to let go for the sake of those you love? where should you draw the line? How can you not loose your asprirations, your dreams,your goals and at the same time not loose your love? Do you ever have to make the choice between your love, and your goals? What if both are of the same importance?

Waiting for your comments.

My beloved grandma undergoing a surgery right now:S:S

I'm writing this and my grandma is in the hopsital. She is undergoing a surgery at this moment. Many of you would think how senseless of me to set and right at this point in time. Well the answer is, i feel so scared. It was all a sudden thing. I was at my university doing my papers all of this morning. Then, i got back home to find my mom in tears. Dad wasnt back from his trip at the time of my arrival. My legs were shivering at the sight of my mom. The Libyan way is the whole truth of the situation is never told. So everytime something happens, i dont trust what i hear. I always feel that things are bigger than they sound. My mom was told that my grandmother will undergo surgery tomorrow. My sister and i told mom that we have a feeling it is today and that her bro didnt tell her just so she wont get worried. Right we were. It is today. It is right now as im typying this letter. Dad arrived, and we were all in tears when we first saw him, so we havent dealt right with the situation, i had to hold a grip and say that everything is alright, and that my grandma is fine. It is just that her leg hurted her abit and so shes undergoing surgery for it. We should have been stronger. It is not right the way we welcomed dad, but im sure he understands. Now dad and my bro went to the hopsital. They didnt take me with them. I want to go too. I don't feel ok at the moment. As i said i feel soooooooo scared. No one would understand. I just want to go see her. My fiance is there too. I just messgaged him and asked him to contact me right away when my grandma is out of the surgery room. If anyone reads this please please please pray for her. Pray that everything goes smoothly and that she will be fine.

Summer time, swimming time (muscle cramps:S:S)

The weather is getting warmer and warmer each day. This could only mean one thing; the time has come to jump in the pool. We have a swimming pool at our farm, and for the past two weeks we have been going for a swim on Fridays. I love to swim. I especially love to swim when the sun is still shinning. My cousins tend to avoid swimming during duhr time just out of fear they would get dark. They say 'we have weddings coming up, we should swim around 5pm or so' . The things is, i dont really care. Even if i was the bride i wouldnt care. For me, the most important thing is that i have a good time. So this past friday, it was only me and my little cousins in the pool. The rest were under a shade watching from distance. So i had a good time. I have one issue, i get muscle cramps while swimming all the time. It happend to me in Canada, and it is happening to me here! In Canada, i wasnt so scared of it because there was always a life gurad and whenever it occurs i have been rescued out and given oxygen and all that is necessary. Here though, we dont have a life gurad, it is not a public pool so yeah. This Friday i didnt get any muscle cramps because what i did was swim for one round, rest for few mintues, then do another round. Then rest. Then walk around the water, then swim for another round.I'm not a perfect swimer, but i'm ok. I dont know all the ways. Unlike my mom, she is a perfect swimer. She just lots abit of her speed due to her lack of practice. Anyways, after 20 mintues or so of being at the pool i got out of the pool because i thought i better get out before my muscles cramp. They did the Friday before this (after 20 mintues of swim time to be exact). It was me and my two cousins swimming, i was teaching my cousin this easy way of swimming but after reapting the way for few times my muscles cramped. The good news was, that both of my cousins were around me, and we werent in the deep end. So one held my foot and stablized it so it wont move, and the other pulled me from my hand until i got to build in seats at the babies end. I sat crying the pain out. But at least i was safe. So did any of you ever experiences muscle cramps? for me, it happens all the time, and it is painfullllllllllllllll. It is very painful. I would drawn so easily even at the shallow water. My height is 1.70 i could stand rasing my toes a little at the end of the pool and be able to breath easily (that works if i got tired from swimming) but if my muscle cramps occurs i would drawn period. What should i do? anyone knows?

It is been 4 months!!!!

I have been away for four months. I have finally decided to blog again.

There are lots of things i want to say. I have been up to lots. But everything revloves around the same stuff i used to write about.

I have my law school degree. I'm in the process of being appointed at my university as a TA (Tutor Assitant) or mo3eda as is called in the Arabic language.

Since my graduation, i havent worked. The reason was i enrolled in a masters program here, but now i dropped out of the program because i have a scholarship to study abroad and it is finally being processed- el7amdala.

I had two scholarships, but finally decided to go with the Higher Education Commitee in Libya's Scholarship. It is better for me. As i plan to become a professor at my university inshallah. This works for me. I can't just do company work for the rest of my life. Company work is time consuming, and wont work for me in the long run. For me the long run is what matters. I want something i could really do. I know im very ambtious, and nothing seems enough but i dont want to make my life impossible. I want to fullfil my ambtions and at the same time not scarfice the happiness of those i love. I could choose to be workholic, i have lots of offers. But i opt for a balanced life style. It matters in the future when my fiance and i get married inshallah.

Back to what i was saying, the scholarship requires endless paper work. I have started, but im yet to reach the ending point. When i was just relived that im done getting the singatures from my professors for the refernce letters i need for the university i plan to attend, the dean tells me i cant have them in an offcial univeristy paper and that i'd have to ask my professors to switich them to white paper. It is only then that he would stamp them for me! So now i have to run like a headless chicken and try to locate all my professors again. That is a tough job, no one abroad would understand its toughness!!! Then my transcripts and my rank paper. OH boy..i went to get them, and after 3 months of them taking their time to retype them ,stamp them, sign them, i found that they are messed up. My grades were wrong, the typer was just no precise, and mixed up everything. I tried to keep myself calm when in reality i wanted to scream and cry. It is been so long, and the end result is this????? so i went to this nice employee and asked her to get my orginal grades out from the files stacks, and she did that and was shockecd how wrong it was. So now im waiting for my transcripts wa inshallah this time around their wont be any errors. My rank paper had a mistake in the percentage as well. So i'm back to point zero with my papers. It really makes me want to cry!!! If only the admission offices at the universities abroad understand how it is such a hassel to get anything here!!! I mean they keep asking for 2-3 transcripts 2-3 references, i dont blame them. But really we work our heads off just to take those papers. So the wait continues!!

Then came the decision of the country. First it was the UK. It suits me well. Its programs suits me well. But the higher education commitee decided to log the UK off. They made certain things tougher over there and so for now the UK is not on the list of countries in the scholarship list. So then, i decided on the USA. My homeland! So i have to apply there inshallah. I will apply to the UK as well and see what happens. Decisions in Libya are never final so the UK could open up. For now i have located a university that im interested in. I will do the academic English first, then enrol in the LLM program. That way i would have time to adjust to the routine of my former lifestyle and at the same time revise and get ready for the LLM.

If things worked out, and i got accepted. My fiance and i will tie the knot:D:D:D:D. So everyone pray for me that everything works out. Any advise, feel free to shout it out.

I have lots more to talk about, but for now i just wanted to get that out of my system. Hope you are all doing great.

I do miss you all tons.

xoxo

Gaza, i feel sorrow for what the innocent civilians are going through:(:(

It is 2009. It is been 2 weeks into this new year.

I have not really done much. I have watched more news than i can handle. I feel sorry for all the innocent civilians in Gaza. Feeling sorry isnt enough i know,what are the right words to say? None. Period. I cant say i know what they are going through beacuse what they are going through is more than the worest situation i have been put on. So who am i to say words like i understand?!!! I'm not in a position to say such words. I just dont qualify.

I pray for them and they are in my thoughts all the time. When it comes to food ;everytime i eat something i feel so guilty because they are straving while im sitting at the comfort of my home safe, & sound. My heart is torn everytime i think about the suffering of the innocent civilians in Gaza . I feel guilty for carrying a normal routine, but Allah -God- knows too well how i feel deep inside. I do not feel happy at all. I cannot stop watching the news, hoping that maybe maybe there will be some breaking news about thing becoming better over there.

I read a diary for a Gazan named Mohammed Ali, describing the situation over there, and how horrific what they are going through, how everynight when he heads to sleep he says to his wife, good night my lover, see you in heavan....his words echo on my mind, and has been echoing all day today. I wish for the innocent civilians of Gaza to have peace, to have a normal life like everyone else in this planet. I say to Mohammed Ali, that even though we are living worlds apart but our hearts are torn about the situation in Gaza. Yes you, your family, and every Gazan deserve to have a normal-safe-secure life like everyone else. Keep your hope alife and i hope you earn the British council's scholarship - Keep Mohammed Ali's hope alife British Council, give him a chance to have a peace of mind, and the walk around the park he longed for.

Every human has the right to live in saftey and security. I shall blog again about me, but not right now, as this entry is devoted to the innocent civilians in Gaza.

Sympathy,my parents,road exam,a mini mall in Tripoli

My deepest Sympathy
-To my dear blogger Ibee, im very sorry for your loss. I must say, that your mother seems like a wonderful person. I'm glad your relationship with her is great. I ask you to be pateint through this tough time. Take good care of yourself and be there for your family. I know im late but i havent had a chance to browse around the blogs, and i just did so today. So please accept my deepest sympaties. Hugs.-
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Missing my parents
Ramadan is close to being over...
Things have been going alright at my end...though i miss my parents sooooo badly. So far no chance of them coming the first two days of Eid and that is making me soooooo upset. I cant stand spending Eid without my parents. I remember last time when dad was away no one bothered to wake me up in the morning and i missed all the morning fun:(:( plus when my parents arent around i cant feel the joy of Eid. I hope that somehow a mircal happens and that they get two seats and come...i really really miss them and everytime i remember they wont be here for Eid i feel sooooo saddddd.
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Passing the Drivers Road Test
I did my drivers exam and passed on the 6th of September. Now i have to take my papers to get my license, and im waiting for my friend to announce the day shes going to take her papers so we could go together. I'm glad this step is done and over with-the exam step. My plan now is to go on training again to get used to roads and the car. That i'll start doing as soon as i get my license in my hand.
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Eid Shopping
I really hate shopping. I have only gone out shopping 3 times ( twice with my cousins, and once with my aunt) and i was only able to get a blouse. The thing is i have decided that i wont be going to shop again anytime soon. My mom will be sending me an outfit from abroad for the first day of Eid. The second day of Eid i got a nice blouse from my shopping trips. The rest of my shopping my sister will do for me. I really cant stand going out and shopping. I dont like the crowd, and i found nothing worth going out for. Oh i must mention that a mini-mall opened in Libya. Called Al Mahari Mall. And it even has paryer areas for ladies/men. It has H&M, United Colours, nafnaf, Sanayra, Al Khaye7', Traeesh for shoes & bags...umm what else?!!Grocries and Sweets, Al shajara food court, Chicken Cottage food court, umm i know i havent mentioned everything but it is a good step toward improving the shopping experience. So lets see what becomes of this mall.

Thats about the latest. Talk to you all laters.

Ramadan Mubarak, France, Fadan, and my CPU

Ramadan Kareem Everyone>

Lots has been going on since my last post>

I got to go to France for a simi family vacation. I said simi cuz it was only my brother, me and my two youngest siblings> It was a very very nice vacation. I got to go to Disneyland, Le Leouvre Muesum, Shanza-lazi street (sp?), passed by the Effiel Tower, and i ended my Trip at Nice. A city most famous for its awesome weather. I found it lots different than Paris. Paris has such an unexpected weather, so in one day four seasons occur. Overall i had such an awesome time. I'm glad that after i lost hope of a vacation that one knocked at my door:D

More news: I had my fadan upon my return from France. For those who dont know what a fadan is, it is an all men's dinner where the engagment announcment is made. Yes its official Happymoi is engaged to an awesome guy :D:D The thing is i have been engaged " word" kind of thing since May,2007. But didnt want to post it up until the fadan and now that it has taken place i decided its about time that i make a mention of such an important-joyous- event>

I still have to do my drivers licnese. The thing is i was supposed to do it the week i left for France. And i chose France over the test as i knew i can always do it> plus i was so in need of that time off> as for my school papers the plan is to start here until i get myself organized and could go abroad - lets hope things work out inshallah>

I'm sorry for my absence, but it has been busy and on top of all that my CPU has gotten messed up so i cant use our PC at home and for some reason my sis's laptop wont connect to the net. Well that is about it for now.

Hope all is well at your end.

Thank you all for your Ramadan wishes> same back to you.

More later.